Tatjana Bozic

Coach ISA Power
Praktijkruimte in Amsterdam, Noord-Holland
Taal: English, Dutch, Russian, Croatian and Serbian

Unusual, direct, warm and engaged - 9+ years in eating disorder coaching

I know what it is like to be at war with yourself.

Normally, I would not eat for days - plainly starving, only thinking of food, day and night. Only certain food was allowed to stay inside, and if I ate just one bite of anything else, everything was "ruined". So I had to purge. But before that, I could finally eat. I would eat so much that I had to crawl a few meters from my kitchen to my bathroom. The purged food was often still warm, steam coming up from the toilet. When I finished, my whole body trembled. I would get up, look at myself in the mirror with disgust - and walk straight back to the kitchen for one more round. I knew I was the worst person in the world.

I thought no one could ever understand me. When I shared I sometimes ended up even more ashamed than I already was. "Just don't do it." "Try to eat normally." "You need to accept your body." Sure, right now! As if I wouldn't have done it if I could have! The secrecy made the eating disorder my only friend and my escape. Nothing could hurt me as long as I had it. But nothing felt alive or worth anything either. Life was just shitty.

That was about thirty years ago. How did I stop? One sunny afternoon, eating an ice cream on the street - planning, as always, to binge and purge - I casually just said no to that voice of eating disorder. After years of hard work, it was finally that simple. What followed was getting to know myself, becoming a better friend to myself, controlling less, living more. Overcoming the eating disorder is still one of the most powerful experiences in my life. It gave me such trust! Not that my life will become easier (but it did!) - but that I can handle what comes.

That is what I want for you. From that street, suddenly I could see the width in life. Future. I got a lust for life - I wanted to experience things, feel things, be in the world. And I knew that one day I would help others find their way out of the same darkness. Nine years ago I became a coach with ISA Power.

We put your problem on the table. You are not problematic - you just have a problem. And when it is on the table, that problem is not only yours anymore. We look at it from all sides, like two detectives, like two researchers. You are already a PhD on your eating disorder. I bring the life experience and the professional knowledge we need, and I am not afraid of your eating disorder, of your pain. We will together transform that pain into meaning. Leonard Cohen wrote: "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." The eating disorder is that crack for us.

I was born in Croatia, have lived in four countries, and for the last two decades I have called Amsterdam home. I live here with my son and our little dog Lulu. And - a fun fact - apart from being a coach, I am also a film director. I coach in English, Dutch, Croatian, Bosnian, Serbian and Russian.